Saturday, July 12, 2008

high mortality in italy

so i started this list our first day in rome. the girls thought it was funny and then laura and mere began to enthusiastically contribute to it throughout the trip. it's the "ways we could've died in italy" list. (ok, i've been told i can be dark sometimes). oh come on, despite what the b52's say, everyone can't be "shiny happy people" 24/7!) anyways, here's what we came up with:

1. heat exhaustion-we did A LOT of walking through all the cities and archaeological sites in very humid and warm weather (averaging in the mid 90's everyday).

2. asphyxiation-we were all crammed in this little transporter bus from the boat charter to the hotel. people were pressed up against one another, recycling each other's air (there was no air conditioning and all the windows were closed), sweaty arms and legs touching...all 38 of us in one of those short airport shuttle buses. it was like we were replacing the clown and little car act at the circus. "how many teachers can you squeeze into a van?" the crazy thing they told us was that the capacity of the bus was 45. NO WAY. not unless people were on each other's laps!!!

3.getting run over by a car, vespa or bus-this seriously could have happened DAILY folks. i still shudder when i think of all the close calls! in a lot of the places, the people and cars have to share the road. just know that the united states is VERY accommodating to pedestrians.

4. 2nd hand smoke inhalation-lots of people smoke there...it's everywhere, they're often right next to you and difficult to avoid.

5. plunging to your death due to the bus going off the cliff in capri. the road was cliffside.

6. pool umbrella impalement-in sorrento, there was a storm brewing. as we were standing in the driveway of the hotel receiving directions from our tour guide, a pool umbrella from the 4th floor was blown up from its base and came flying down. when it missed us, laura and i shared a shocked look and a laugh.

7. falling off the chair lift in capri-ok, so technically we probably wouldn't have died because it wasn't high enough, but still, you'd get tossed around pretty well and get some pretty good fractures.

8. heart attack-geckos. freak. me. out. yes, yes....i know i'm from hawaii and they're everywhere there but i still don't like 'em. the geckos in italy scurried and jumped which in turn made me shiver like no one has ever shivered before. i had to establish a rule for the rest of the trip: do not point out the geckos to jonelle. i assured the girls that i would always be fully aware of the geckos' presence whenever i heard their feet go pitter patter and the leaves move when they ran into them.

9. shock from seeing too much anatomy-laura personally added this one. while in capri, i pointed out a nude man on the beach. laura was not amused.

10. head on collision with other vehicles-again, this happened almost daily. our bus driver, marco, was the absolute master. i totally felt safe. when i wasn't watching the other cars come toward us.

11.blunt force trauma-this would have happened upon entry into the cave of the blue grotto in capri. the opening was so small that only the little rowboat could fit through. what did this mean? all people had to frantically lay down while passing through and if you didn't get down in time, BAM! blunt force trauma, baby.

12. boat collision-again, in capri (boy, capri sure was a dangerous place, huh?). after arriving to the blue grotto site, we had to wait our turn for the rowboats to approach our charter. there were maybe 5-8 other charters there. at one point, one of the larger charter boats began drifting toward our boat. neither driver realized it until people on our boat began scurrying out of the way because they were about to be taken out by some pole that was sticking out from the front of the other boat. both drivers frantically got the boats moved in time, but people freaked on that one.

13. plunging to death from the funicular in taormina and on etna. again, probably wouldn't have died because the height was not significant enough, but still, if you landed on your head i'd say there was a good chance you'd end up in a coma.

but seriously...we had an *awesome* time!!! :)

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