the other side of the fence

as thanksgiving comes to a close for me, i am thinking about grey's anatomy & their christmas episode last year or the year before. its focus was on meredith and her dislike for the holidays. she shared that instead of the time representing an abundance of joyfulness, family traditions and gatherings, it was a painful reminder of what she did not in fact have. it was difficult for me to relate to her in that episode, but i remember feeling sorry for her. i just thought, i couldn't imagine hating the holiday season. probably because i was fortunate enough to have always had that abundance of togetherness & joyful familial traditions during the holidays. until this year. this year, i am on the other side of the fence. with meredith grey. thanksgiving sure felt differently on this side. gone are the feelings of "going all out" and perpetuating little habits that were a part of making the holidays such a special time of year. instead, no matter my effort into finding joy in the generosity and loving spirit of the people who have shown me nothing but love this past 9 months, pockets of melancholy creep in and out. i try to focus on how lucky i am to have a healthy daughter & family and friends who love and support me. how i have a successful career. how i am able to fulfill my financial responsibilities and still indulge a little. and yet, i find myself wishing the day was over. so that it would be just another day.